Empathy Formula

Ideo Fellow Bob Sutton recently blogged about the Kurt Vonnegut poem "Joe Heller" whose theme was resonant with the just passed Thanksgiving holiday. In the poem, Vonnegut writes:

And Joe said, "I've got something he can never have."

And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?"

And Joe said, "The knowledge that I've got enough."

At our recent Thanksgiving assembly I talked about the meaning of Thanksgiving in the context of privilege and the need for us to develop a more empathic connection to others and to the world around us. We talked about wants and needs and how for those struggling to meet their basic needs, finding thanks on Thanksgiving can be complicated. We talked about the famous line from To Kill A Mocking Bird that our eighth graders read, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." So how do we move towards this state of empathy in our lives and in our school?

As writer and education activist Sam Chaltain observes in commenting on the work of Emotional Intelligence author Dan Goleman and behavioral scientist Paul Ekman:

As it turns out, there's a formula we can use to explain how people master empathy, even if no one's ever described it that way before. And best of all, it's got a familiar ring to it:

E = EC².

What Goleman and Ekman mapped out -- in a little-read blog post from 2007 -- was three different ways a person can convey empathy. The first is "cognitive empathy," or the act of knowing how another person feels. This is the first stage of becoming empathetic, and while it may be helpful in motivating people or running for elective office, it also has a dark side if it exists in isolation: narcissism and sociopathic behavior, to name a few.

The second is "emotional empathy," or the capacity to physically feel the emotions of another. As with cognitive empathy, however, emotional empathy can have troublesome consequences if applied in isolation. As Goleman writes, "One downside of emotional empathy occurs when people lack the ability to manage their own distressing emotions can be seen in the psychological exhaustion that leads to burnout. The purposeful detachment cultivated by those in medicine offers one way to inoculate against burnout. But the danger arises when detachment leads to indifference, rather than to well-calibrated caring." That leads to the third and final part of the formula -- "compassionate empathy", which is what occurs when we combine the previous two in the name of acting upon what we think and feel.

In our assembly, we refined this formula to the more accessible statement that

Empathy = (Thought)(Feeling)(Action)

This is a powerful idea and one that is closely aligned with the core elements of the LREI experience. However, we can be more intentional in the various ways that we cultivate this habit is our students and in ourselves. In thinking about empathy, gratitude and the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm compelled to offer thanks to the members of the middle school faculty for their dedicated, passionate and purposeful commitment to our program, your children and to each other as colleagues.

At our opening faculty meeting in September, I asked faculty members to consider the following question:

What assumptions are you holding re: students, parents, teaching, admin, etc.

that is either inspiring or motivating you to move forward, grow, develop, change?

Their responses, which follow below, are grounded in profound sense of empathy and affirm Vonnegut's notion that true meaning can be found in "the knowledge that I've got enough."

That my students are the most important people in the world to their parents inspires compassion in me
Every year is a new beginning
That everyone wants to do well and has the best intentions
People (colleagues, parents, kids) are happy to be part of this community
That people are interested in and able to change
That learning is regarded as important
That the kids love this school and this makes me want the curriculum and my teaching to be the best it can be
Students’ eagerness, willingness, flexibility, creativity and curiosity inspires me
Parents wanting the best for their children motivates me to want to do the best job that I can
Students have an innate desire to succeed. When they are not demonstrating this innate desire, we need to work to identify the obstacle.
By being members of this community by choice, we are all supporting progressive ideas, open-minded attitudes and a desire to improve and achieve goals with a mindfulness that resembles the goodness of the human heart.
That we all bring joy to our work.
Our community (students, parents and faculty) all value a project-oriented, experiential curriculum.
That kids want to learn and that they want to create new and exciting things
The secret to learning is in creating
Education is vital to the advancement of the human condition. I am involved in world shaping.
The more I teach the more I learn
The community I work in is together for the greater goof of all of us.
The diversity of students and their different needs inspires me to grow and change
Those around me believe in me so I feel empowered to take risks and am motivated to learn more and contribute to the community.
I work in a place that actively looks for ways to encourage and celebrate growth.
The school asks for and listens to feedback.
A belief that what I know and who I am is important enough to be shared with children.
We are all ready to learn and grow.
Parents trust me.
Students are open-minded and want to have fun.
Trust in each other to work creatively.
That my students will have an excellent year.
That the kids love this school and that makes being here each day such a positive experience.
The students make me want to make the curriculum the best it can be.
That our students’ are eager, willing, flexible, creative and curious.
That parents want the best for their children and want to work as partners with us makes me want to do the best I can.
That schools make a huge impact on kids lives and that teaching is a career that positively impacts society.
Open-mindedness and a willingness to experiment in teaching and learning
A sense of community and voice
Celebration/understanding of difference
My colleagues are always willing to collaborate and actively seek it out
That students believe they can succeed and try to do their best
That the learning environment is interesting and challenging
I am encouraged to take risks to try new things
We all, ultimately, seek and find satisfaction and joy from our work together.
We are working to be a dynamic, revolutionary, 21st century school,
I will be encouraged and supported by my community as I move forward professionally
This is a reciprocal community: I am valued by others as I value others
That all community members have high expectations
That parents expect me to know their child as an individual
That students need and deserve this individual attention and effort on my part to “get” them

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